i saw this at Lesbian Life and I dont think it has been presented here.


What happens when you love someone with all your heart, but what you want in the bedroom just isn't the same?


Maybe you want a different kind of sex than she does, or maybe you want sex more or less than she does.


It's not something that is easily talked about, but it happens in all kinds of relationships, gay and straight.





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Hi Angie
I agree also...it's exactly what I thought.
You have to know the person you are involved with.
Appently the articles I had read they were lied to, and /or
just maybe never went all the way until relationship was gelled.
So, maybe not a lie as such but lack of comunication.

I have to agree with Angie, I am going through this with a woman that is living with her gf and its to the point where they do not have sex hardly at all, if none at all. I think a sexual problem has a lot more to it, its not just about the sex, it might mean there are other things that aren't compatible as well. Communication is the most important part, maybe a counselor?? Good luck


Yeah I agree..
This is not about me just from article and seems happens more than you would think.
I think more communication, talking is required at the start .

Yes. How about getting to know the person before you decide to become intimate.  If sex is all someone wants thats easy trust me.  But if you want more and most people do, try being friends first.  People change and relationships change over the course of a lifetime.  And forever is asking a lot for most people.  And as the old saying goes, "Sex ain't a spectator sport".  No it ain't.  Both of you have to engage and participate; or you really have nothing.  I have had a very full life.  I think that what some people miss is the romancing part of loving someone.  And we all need that.  At this point as I said before, be there.  Make that moment about her and then you and her.  You will have more fulfilling relationships and friendships.

vinnigirl aka pokerdogv

Well have really put up alot here to get into with thinking.
Since i have already posted most of what your saying , I will get into what i have not answerd if that is ok,

Let me say i agree with all you have said here. Let me say my thoughts, which are....
We here all time," Forever for a life time," or we hear ,"always and forever." Yes its a challenge but isn't that point?
If anything worth doing isn't worth doing well?Thats me! My moto and i agree romance oh yessss hast to be there. And know the person and communicate to her wine and dinne her. We all love all that. Yet as you saying here some dont, and the article also stated sex was there point of attraction.

Like you I would never want just sex as my main attraction. I dont think you can susstain such a realtionship for long built on just sex alone. It's  doomed to failure from start.

You really really need to be friends and really like that person and want to be there. If not then how can next step ever happen or be real.

To love her.... and really emjoy her.You cant.
So you see i agree ....it has to be real.
JUst in case people think i am talking about myself ...I am not.
I am happily married.

The romancing now there it is after posting this Giggles i started talking to girl friends of mine, just asking to see after i read your comment here. All say same they miss it most of all. All them wondered why does it have disappear? I don't think  it has to. Hey its your relationship, if its that darn important to you, and to me why aren't we demanding it? Why is left out of the discussion of things we want and never want loose? I am not talking to just us here in my audience, [Lesbian bi women]rather to all women across the entire spectrum. We all want same things. Brings to mind why are not we all much more closely united, in all women's issues.But, i digress, needles to say seems to me we are all at fault not demanding requesting pleading as the case  may be. Upfront at start where the relationship begins and before it gets off the ground. Say what want and expect. Then say if you don't understand i will take lead to teach, but i expect you learn from it and do your romancing to me to. Then say we will continue this working it out making a part of us. If we dont work at it ...it dies and so the relationship....experience teaches me that.

I learn this

To love another  person completely and honestly the way they want to be loved and to have them to love you completely and honestly the way you want them to love you ...is to truly be in love and it is the  hardest work to people will ever  be engage in.And i know i have failed at it numerous times...But i don't think i am any different than anyone else. I still desire that one or two depending on how want to define marriage ...

Sex is a very intimate activity and with two women, it is even more intense.  It is important to try to understand the wants and needs of the partners involved BEFORE the bedroom. Having said that, I have had experiences where I liked different things than my partner.  Its a personal issue.  The love and closeness I got from performing what she wanted was enough for me.  It might not be for some others.  I could love her and go off and take care of myself (masterbate) and be ok with that.  Like I said, it depends on what you can handle.  Sex is important to me now, but it is mostly animal in nature.  I tend to try not to feel that closeness.  Not ready for it.  But I do understand the problem. :)

So would might agree with that article when you say you try not to feel that closeness.
It could lead you into your wants or needs as you saying ending in masturbation that could make
the other person feel as that article stated that she was not enough as u still needed that after.
I am not saying it would be but it could.

Respect, honesty and communication are essential. I have seen couples walk away from good relationships, because it was easier ti walk away than look at themselves and work on pleasing one another.

Physical intimacy can make or break a solid partnership in half. I have issues with trust, so I have a wall.

 Some physical incompatibilities are signs of unchecked emotional baggage, or medical concerns.

Affection, creativity and sensitivity to our partners feelings can help get things warmed up in established bonds. New relationships are not as easy because it takes time to learn about each others needs and find trust. Last but not least, patience and spontaneity can help inject mystery into stale relationships.  

When you love someone you give to meet thier needs, and if they love you they will give to meet yours 101 Relationship the real thing!!


Oh yes i totally agree


She's back lol!  I have had many relationships in my life and when it comes to intimacy(not just sex); honesty and communication is an absolute must.  How do you feel about certain things and if miscommunication is not only in the bedroom then its time to discuss like adults and not play the run and hide game like kids.  I'm always honest.  As I told Amy B, when I am intimate I am intimate with the entire body.  She had a problem with people not understanding her.  Listen to Rae as well,

if you are in that moment with someone, let it be all about her and then all about the two of you.

Get to the unspoken communication when you are beyond knowing as k.d. lang sings.  Let the walls down.  I know what I'm talking about.  Holla back at me, girls!

Love to all,

vinnigirl aka pokerdogv aka VinJan N


Etymology / Definition of Masturbation The word masturbation is derived from the Greek word mezea ('penises') and the Latin verb masturbare ('to defile by hand or to disturb by hand'). Masturbation can be defined as deliberate self stimulation of ones genitals. As the etymology of the word suggests, hands are generally used to arouse the sexual organs which may result in orgasm. Men may fondle or stroke their penis with their hand or touch other erroneous zones (like the scrotum or anus). Women often rub the vulva, or gently stroke the clitoris and the minor lips (labia minora). Some women simultaneously play with the nipples of their breasts. Instead of using their hands, both males and females may also rub their genitals against some object, such as a pillow. Some females can reach orgasm by riding a bicycle or a horse. Masturbation commonly refers to sexual activities done alone (autoeroticism), but can be a sexual act between people. This is referred to as mutual masturbation, where one person stimulates their own genitals or their partners. Many people find the sight of their partner masturbating highly erotic. visit ifeelmyself.com


There are many special masturbation aids on the market. The most common of these is the artificial penis, also known as a dildo (from the Italian diletto - "delight"). Dildos can be made of wood, rubber, plastic or glass. Vibrators are also popular sex toys. They are like dildos, but battery powered or electric. Great for masturbation as well as partner sex play. Babeland have a great selection of sex toys. Watching pornography, reading erotica or cultivating sexual fantasies are common aids to masturbate. Humans are not the only animals to masturbate. Many other mammals have been known to masturbate in the wild and in captivity. Female Masturbation Techniques There are many different techniques women may employ to masturbate. Through experimentation, a personal preference may be found which gives that particular woman the most exquisite pleasure. Some common techniques are: *Inserting one or more fingers into the vagina to stroke the frontal wall of the vagina where the g-spot is located. * Stroking the clitoris and / or massaging the breasts. * In the bathtub or shower, using warm running water to stimulate the clitoris. * Lying face down and straddling a pillow (or something similar) and rubbing the vulva and clitoris against it. * Standing up, the corner of an item of furniture, or even a washing machine, can be used to stimulate the genitals. * Some women can orgasm by crossing their legs tightly and clenching the pelvic or leg muscles, which creates pressure and enhances blood flow to the genitals. Techniques, Sexual Response & Multiple Orgasms From the website: 'Women commonly masturbate by rubbing or applying pressure to the clitoris, mons, lips of the vagina, or some combination of these areas. The methods by which they do this varies greatly. Fingers or other devices may be used to rub the shaft of the clitoris in an up-and-down motion on either or both sides, or the shaft may be rubbed in a circular fashion. The vaginal lips may be gently pulled; this movement of the inner lips causes the loose skin covering the clitoris to move back and forth, creating a pleasurable sensation. Because the glans of the clitoris is highly sensitive, prolonged stimulation usually becomes irritating, and thus it is not often used as the focus of masturbation. Relatively few women (some sexologists estimate about 20%) insert anything into their vaginas while masturbating. Those who do usually insert just barely into the opening. However, some women completely insert fingers, dildos, vibrators, and other objects, such as bananas and cucumbers, during masturbation. All these methods may involve the use of various kinds of lubricants, and many women stimulate their breasts while stimulating their genitals. Some women use washcloths, clothing, pillows, furs, silks, or other such devices to aid their stimulation. Most women prefer lying on their backs, but some prefer standing or sitting. While standing or sitting, a woman may rub against certain objects, such as doorknobs, dresser drawer pulls, the edge of chairs, or bedposts. The woman may cross her legs and increase the pressure on her genitals by contracting her lower abdominal, gluteal, and thigh muscles. Water massages may be used. Some women derive sexual stimulation while riding a bicycle or a horse, activities that were at one time forbidden to women for that very reason. Female sexual response to masturbation is about the same as for males. Some women have reported orgasm 30 seconds from the start of self-stimulation, while the usual time is a little less than four minutes. Because of a woman's ability to have multiple orgasms, she may maintain her threshold of orgasm far longer than a man. ... When mutual masturbation is employed during intercourse, it may greatly enhance sexual response; some women report that they receive more intense pleasure from masturbation either by themselves or by their partner than they do from coitus, especially if their partner is a male who has only slight potency. This is because the clitoris receives little direct stimulation during pelvic thrusting in the missionary position.'



Below you will find summaries of articles & websites on Sexual Fetish & Fantasy, i.e. on creativity, the mind & sex, fantasy vs realism, sexual morality, evolution and human sexuality, bestiality, incest, rape, violence, bukkake, bdsm, bondage, spanking, school girl, cheerleader, secretary, milf, smoking, panties, high heels & foot fetish, cartoon pornography, latex, rubber & leather fetish clothing etc.
Obviously 'fetish' gets relatively few searches per day compared to specific fetishes e.g. 'milf' 150,000, 'hentai' 90,000, 'beastiality' 45,000, 'lingerie' 30,000, 'bondage' 20,000, 'bukkake' 15,000.

The top ten related searches for fetish are;
fetish (8,000), foot fetish (5,500), smoking fetish (2,000), medical fetish (1,600), fetish sex (1,150), fetishes (1,000), feet fetish (900), high heel fetish (900), diaper fetish (860), panty fetish (800)

We hope you find the following articles & websites interesting, useful and fun.
Karene Jade Howie

Definition of Sexual Fetish
First described by Sigmund Freud in 1887, sexual fetishism is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object. 

A fetish is an object, not a body part. According to psychology or psychiatric terminology there is no such thing as a 'foot fetish'. That is called a partialism. This is when a part of the body is an extremely important part to achieve sexual arousal. A shoe though, could be a fetish.

A fetish is when a person is sexually aroused by a specific object or objects and is generally unable to achieve sexual satisfaction without that object being present.

What makes a fetish 'fetishism' by definition is that it interferes with your life. It's not just something you like to do, but something you have to do. In other words, there is no other way to have an orgasm except with a shoe, bra or panties present, or whatever that person is into.


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