Well, thou no-on knew it this past friday 7th and weekend was hell for me.
I was in hospital all weekend long again.

I never really mind up-dating everyone ...but this time was more painful to say it.
Puddygirl told me I need to so I am.

I just want be normal again.

I try so hard to believe in my doctors. But, I find I can't really.
I have terrible recent story to tell you.

Pleease everyone forgive me wait so long tell you .

Friday jan, 7th
I had what feel like to me a heart attack again, and infraction occurr any way not matters what we call it. I was taken by Ambulance to clinic where I go for meds, to walk in ER there.I was then seen by a doctor there who say need go hospital.
hospital where I go was not able see me. So I was diverted to another one.
This was one I had been to before years ago, but no longer able go there.
THis time i begin to worry, if I cant go here they wont really help me.
I was correct. I was given treatment but never did they try solve what happened.
My body even late Saturday try show something was wrong still ,,,and still they wont try solved it.

They dont believe I had heart attack.Say to me blood markers dont show u ever had attack.I told them same thing happened in 1999 an again in 2002. Now, again and still my body dont show anything. So I say what I had read in magazine. It said women dont show a sign of heart attack alot of the time.They say to me dont believe all you read. I say ok tell me then what had happened.

THey cant show me or tell me what happened. Just reading does not show us anything happened to you.We really dont know why you are here. Stop waste our time.Then a former doctor I gad there in 2002 come in when i asked him what he thinks, He say admit her now.We will do , more testing.

Friday Late Night
took from 1.30 till 9 pm to get into a bed on 5th floor. Yeah took that long get me a bed.
I was given treatment this was a patch place on my left breast with very high dose of nitro, higher than pills i have for it. I was then monitored by heart monitor, bloodpressure , heart rate, and sugar levels constantly.
I suffered bad headaches from higher nitro.
I repetedly asked for either pain meds for pain i was having in my heart and for headachesor tylenol. Never got either pain meds for my heart or even tylenol for heardaches. Was told it would go away.

I had difficult time with pain... still not response from staff.I complained every chance i can.My wife visit me an even they wont listen to her too.I think maybe reaction to us be married an maybe that we are gay, and its not my hospital. Must be reason for this reaction. My doctors dont practice in there. I was being hurt by not have my own hospital doing treatment. I was try to relax an maybe try have my body healing itself.

Then see monitor it showed my heart refibulating i feel also pain in my lefy breast.
Then hear running comming to my room. Say try see ekg monitor they see it...
say I am ok.
But, the screen monitor my heart beat going wildly out of range. My blood pressure had dropped was why they run to me,Showed I flat lined. I was just in pain not dead.
Then my blood sugar was so high...but I was on their controled diet should not been high.
My entire body react to something.
I knew was again very faint heart attack all things pointed to it.Pain I had in my left breast from my heart and then run to my left arm an up to my head an jaw. I know it was.

I was told being released. I asked why? You know something happened to me. I try fight it.
I was very mad an angry.But, I am in there sick an cant fight it really. I know I cant. I called my own doctor she say just let released you and come see me when you can.
First call case manager to set appoinmet to me. So I have .

I still have pain. I dont know when this be over.
I take constantly my nitro pills.


I learn that the large clog i have does allow blood threw it at times. An its not totally blocked like i had been told before.

I am so worried and fearful.

Then i was told i be relaesed time was 9.30 pm at night on Sunday ...

I never ever have see that ever before.
I told them I cant go so late. No one able to fetch me.
My wife is at my aunts house and she not able drive at night.
THe only good thing they did was pay my way home on taxii.
I arrived home 11pm at Sunday night.

I only show here why i distrust doctors.
Also I have more reason but this is recent one.
For me my dcotors have be female. Yes, I have had alot problemes from male doctors, think you can guess all reasons why.

I had my wife pray with me over all this.
I am so afraid.

Well yes I am very scared.Yes, and its government run here It was ambulance workers who messed me up. But, they had to take me to ER since I was heart patient.And yes has wait list.
Its why i wait so long .You now see my problem. I was worried how i can get across what go on here. Canada work same way too. You are correct.Sometimes system here works very well and at other times not. Those ambulance workers taking me to wrong place only were doing their jobs.Were told cant bring me to my hospital and so were diverted to the other one.
Whewwww was big mess.
I am home now hope i will be ok. But you can bet i will insist
on be taken to my hospital.Never to other one here ever again. I will have my wife drive me.
No more ambuances unless they really needed.

I guess I should not blame doctors here they only doing there job. I was at wrong place.

Now I am home and few days away from last weekend i can see clearly. All there job is to stablize me and get me back to my own doctors.Thats what they did. But, they dont try solve my trouble. And I guess since were not my doctors its not their job to that. But, I could have died.Then, I wonder then what?
Would they care at all. I dont think so.Makes me so angry.

So I have contact my case manger and filed a complaint .She is also trying to get me new appointment one ealier than March. Lets hope she can.

I have a normal appointment in March to my primary doctor and also to my herart specialist.
It 's my primary I am trying to see sooner.I need to be followed up after hospital and my normal scribs needs refilling. Remeber I have said before Clinic is refilling them, but wants primary rewrite new scrib.

I find I may have wait till July to see a heart doctor.Here we have long wait list at times.
Same as Canada.
In my caase reason is becasue I am loosing my heart doctor and replacement wont be here till July. So it's imperative for me see my heart Doctor in March or sooner if i can. After March I can see a doctor assitant, until July for my heart meds.

Well there you have recent history and this was painful for me this time just a terrible experience. I was only
stablized so problems not solved and wont be resolved i guess by doctors until sometime after July.
I was given a new med at my release to help me and it seems it is helping.

Now if I am lucky i will be able see both my doctors either before March or in March, otherwise it's wait till July.This why I am so scared.

I just have no more words be able say.

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Etymology / Definition of Masturbation The word masturbation is derived from the Greek word mezea ('penises') and the Latin verb masturbare ('to defile by hand or to disturb by hand'). Masturbation can be defined as deliberate self stimulation of ones genitals. As the etymology of the word suggests, hands are generally used to arouse the sexual organs which may result in orgasm. Men may fondle or stroke their penis with their hand or touch other erroneous zones (like the scrotum or anus). Women often rub the vulva, or gently stroke the clitoris and the minor lips (labia minora). Some women simultaneously play with the nipples of their breasts. Instead of using their hands, both males and females may also rub their genitals against some object, such as a pillow. Some females can reach orgasm by riding a bicycle or a horse. Masturbation commonly refers to sexual activities done alone (autoeroticism), but can be a sexual act between people. This is referred to as mutual masturbation, where one person stimulates their own genitals or their partners. Many people find the sight of their partner masturbating highly erotic. visit ifeelmyself.com


There are many special masturbation aids on the market. The most common of these is the artificial penis, also known as a dildo (from the Italian diletto - "delight"). Dildos can be made of wood, rubber, plastic or glass. Vibrators are also popular sex toys. They are like dildos, but battery powered or electric. Great for masturbation as well as partner sex play. Babeland have a great selection of sex toys. Watching pornography, reading erotica or cultivating sexual fantasies are common aids to masturbate. Humans are not the only animals to masturbate. Many other mammals have been known to masturbate in the wild and in captivity. Female Masturbation Techniques There are many different techniques women may employ to masturbate. Through experimentation, a personal preference may be found which gives that particular woman the most exquisite pleasure. Some common techniques are: *Inserting one or more fingers into the vagina to stroke the frontal wall of the vagina where the g-spot is located. * Stroking the clitoris and / or massaging the breasts. * In the bathtub or shower, using warm running water to stimulate the clitoris. * Lying face down and straddling a pillow (or something similar) and rubbing the vulva and clitoris against it. * Standing up, the corner of an item of furniture, or even a washing machine, can be used to stimulate the genitals. * Some women can orgasm by crossing their legs tightly and clenching the pelvic or leg muscles, which creates pressure and enhances blood flow to the genitals. Techniques, Sexual Response & Multiple Orgasms From the website: 'Women commonly masturbate by rubbing or applying pressure to the clitoris, mons, lips of the vagina, or some combination of these areas. The methods by which they do this varies greatly. Fingers or other devices may be used to rub the shaft of the clitoris in an up-and-down motion on either or both sides, or the shaft may be rubbed in a circular fashion. The vaginal lips may be gently pulled; this movement of the inner lips causes the loose skin covering the clitoris to move back and forth, creating a pleasurable sensation. Because the glans of the clitoris is highly sensitive, prolonged stimulation usually becomes irritating, and thus it is not often used as the focus of masturbation. Relatively few women (some sexologists estimate about 20%) insert anything into their vaginas while masturbating. Those who do usually insert just barely into the opening. However, some women completely insert fingers, dildos, vibrators, and other objects, such as bananas and cucumbers, during masturbation. All these methods may involve the use of various kinds of lubricants, and many women stimulate their breasts while stimulating their genitals. Some women use washcloths, clothing, pillows, furs, silks, or other such devices to aid their stimulation. Most women prefer lying on their backs, but some prefer standing or sitting. While standing or sitting, a woman may rub against certain objects, such as doorknobs, dresser drawer pulls, the edge of chairs, or bedposts. The woman may cross her legs and increase the pressure on her genitals by contracting her lower abdominal, gluteal, and thigh muscles. Water massages may be used. Some women derive sexual stimulation while riding a bicycle or a horse, activities that were at one time forbidden to women for that very reason. Female sexual response to masturbation is about the same as for males. Some women have reported orgasm 30 seconds from the start of self-stimulation, while the usual time is a little less than four minutes. Because of a woman's ability to have multiple orgasms, she may maintain her threshold of orgasm far longer than a man. ... When mutual masturbation is employed during intercourse, it may greatly enhance sexual response; some women report that they receive more intense pleasure from masturbation either by themselves or by their partner than they do from coitus, especially if their partner is a male who has only slight potency. This is because the clitoris receives little direct stimulation during pelvic thrusting in the missionary position.'



Below you will find summaries of articles & websites on Sexual Fetish & Fantasy, i.e. on creativity, the mind & sex, fantasy vs realism, sexual morality, evolution and human sexuality, bestiality, incest, rape, violence, bukkake, bdsm, bondage, spanking, school girl, cheerleader, secretary, milf, smoking, panties, high heels & foot fetish, cartoon pornography, latex, rubber & leather fetish clothing etc.
Obviously 'fetish' gets relatively few searches per day compared to specific fetishes e.g. 'milf' 150,000, 'hentai' 90,000, 'beastiality' 45,000, 'lingerie' 30,000, 'bondage' 20,000, 'bukkake' 15,000.

The top ten related searches for fetish are;
fetish (8,000), foot fetish (5,500), smoking fetish (2,000), medical fetish (1,600), fetish sex (1,150), fetishes (1,000), feet fetish (900), high heel fetish (900), diaper fetish (860), panty fetish (800)

We hope you find the following articles & websites interesting, useful and fun.
Karene Jade Howie

Definition of Sexual Fetish
First described by Sigmund Freud in 1887, sexual fetishism is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object. 

A fetish is an object, not a body part. According to psychology or psychiatric terminology there is no such thing as a 'foot fetish'. That is called a partialism. This is when a part of the body is an extremely important part to achieve sexual arousal. A shoe though, could be a fetish.

A fetish is when a person is sexually aroused by a specific object or objects and is generally unable to achieve sexual satisfaction without that object being present.

What makes a fetish 'fetishism' by definition is that it interferes with your life. It's not just something you like to do, but something you have to do. In other words, there is no other way to have an orgasm except with a shoe, bra or panties present, or whatever that person is into.


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