Once I was what he wanted.
His adopted child.
I thought he cared for me,
when he came for me after school.
I was a teenager you see.

Shhhhhhhhing me....you always said
better not talk this.
Oh how I hated summers.
Home more you using me night and day.
To see me lying there on the cold floor
or in my bed always.....
lips parted
a sheen of sweat on my naked body,
thighs glistening with moisture
you staring at me, with lust in your eyes
all the time...
You had just had your way with me already.
shhhhhhing... me again with your insults.
I can see your eyes still staring back at me.
I see you thou with only a teens mind.
Seeing you looking that way hard and stif still
Standing there naked in front of me still dripping...
never threw always wanting me more,
waiting there for me wanting more of me...
Never satisfied.
I would always think you was satisfied,
yet you would always want more of me..
Just you seeing me, just to look or glance my way,
I would shiver,shudder down my spine nerves run cold from
your look. I was still shaking from waves of forced orgasm
spasms still over taking me.
Faint and,
I was still full of fear, since I had never cum like this before.
How, can this be...
its hate not love,cant be love its forced its rape...
his touch, rough smelly man,beer on his breathe,
each other time I able hold back cant,and....
I just removed me.. Not there at all,
think other places happy times, removed me to beach,
removed me from my body also....
did all that each time,
this time different, felt shame,
I had cum I hated me for that.
In the hours just ahead, before all this I had fought you.
I loathed your every touch, spit at your face,
watched you laugh at me.
all went wrong,was attacked,
I screamed and not able move and
can't remove myself can't protect me,
my inner child.
I was strong, but you were stronger.
Your rage made me yield, obey
and you used me for you own pleasure.
I lost all innocence....what little still had.
As long as I made you happy gave
you pleasure and you could make me scream,
full of hurting pain between my legs.
seemed happy.
I was so young, so small your unwilling sex slave,
from that day on.
I would beg you stop, still you made me scream and,
bleeding down there, torn an broken you enjoy me
My Pain,
lt had been all my own fault.
I told you of my secret thoughts, deepest secrets,
It was before when,
I thought I could trust you like a father.
You hated that I told you I loved girls,
my fault was my own honesty to have told you.
You said....
I'll force you... to like.. no,even love.. men again.
I hate them all. But, please not confusion here.
I born to love women have known this all my life.
I am reminiscing of the breaking free process,
and a chill runs down my spine,
as I loath you even your memory.
I ran once I hit 18, never looked backed.
after a life-time and a wife how who had died,
and with my new wife now, my memories of you are
dispelled erased of all the came before.
here making love to my wife
I moisten even more,
but I never hold it back now
Only she can satisfy me.
I am secure in her arms.
women cant ever love more.
My body responds with your loving touch.
safe now, together as one spirit, two as one
shine brightly but one light.
your horrible memory just fades.

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Comment by Angela on December 23, 2011 at 7:41pm

Hi Buttons
I only do this to help others and it helps me as well.
Well, as i said sometimes our lives takes twist an turns and we left to wonder why.
I have found each event in my life would have happened without one before it.
It has all lead to my wife, and for her in my life i thank God eternally.
I honestly I never would have and appreciate her without i have gone threw.
I hope my saying this can help others in same situation or nearly same one.

Comment by Angela on December 23, 2011 at 7:34pm

Hi Sandi
You are welcome.


Comment by Buttons on December 11, 2011 at 3:22pm

Thank you for letting others be

 invited including myself into your life in such a way! You are an Incrediable lady. The person whom give you up and the one whom ran you from their lives have not an idea what an wonderful gift they have lost!! 

Comment by SANDI on December 10, 2011 at 5:06pm

Thank you for sharing Angela.

Comment by Angela on December 10, 2011 at 2:59pm

It was a long time coming for me face it and put in to words. I am glad i have.
I was saying today to my wife how when she asked me how do i feel now? I told her
happy now a huge weight been lifted from me.Now, I have so many other memories which were before blocked now revealed. So wonderful able to eliminate this troubled time.
If my saying it all can help just one other person then it was all worth while.
The road to discovery of the us within can take many turns twist an detours.
Main thing is to get it out,.even if you have to do what i have done many times
SCREAM. Till you can't stand it any more. Then begin to deal with it.

For me was my only way. Then she asked me we need ask your doctors if any this can lead
to problems you have had with your health. She thinks it has.

I ask god always how have been so lucky so ever find her. Makes me cry, then see me says please stop crying I know you love me and i dont want you have baggy eyes.
Make stop fast.

All I want is to share with you my joys and sorrows and comforts.

Thank you hope this helps its been my nightmare for a life time. Now over.

Comment by GTW-TQOH on December 10, 2011 at 9:26am

You are free

Etymology / Definition of Masturbation The word masturbation is derived from the Greek word mezea ('penises') and the Latin verb masturbare ('to defile by hand or to disturb by hand'). Masturbation can be defined as deliberate self stimulation of ones genitals. As the etymology of the word suggests, hands are generally used to arouse the sexual organs which may result in orgasm. Men may fondle or stroke their penis with their hand or touch other erroneous zones (like the scrotum or anus). Women often rub the vulva, or gently stroke the clitoris and the minor lips (labia minora). Some women simultaneously play with the nipples of their breasts. Instead of using their hands, both males and females may also rub their genitals against some object, such as a pillow. Some females can reach orgasm by riding a bicycle or a horse. Masturbation commonly refers to sexual activities done alone (autoeroticism), but can be a sexual act between people. This is referred to as mutual masturbation, where one person stimulates their own genitals or their partners. Many people find the sight of their partner masturbating highly erotic. visit ifeelmyself.com


There are many special masturbation aids on the market. The most common of these is the artificial penis, also known as a dildo (from the Italian diletto - "delight"). Dildos can be made of wood, rubber, plastic or glass. Vibrators are also popular sex toys. They are like dildos, but battery powered or electric. Great for masturbation as well as partner sex play. Babeland have a great selection of sex toys. Watching pornography, reading erotica or cultivating sexual fantasies are common aids to masturbate. Humans are not the only animals to masturbate. Many other mammals have been known to masturbate in the wild and in captivity. Female Masturbation Techniques There are many different techniques women may employ to masturbate. Through experimentation, a personal preference may be found which gives that particular woman the most exquisite pleasure. Some common techniques are: *Inserting one or more fingers into the vagina to stroke the frontal wall of the vagina where the g-spot is located. * Stroking the clitoris and / or massaging the breasts. * In the bathtub or shower, using warm running water to stimulate the clitoris. * Lying face down and straddling a pillow (or something similar) and rubbing the vulva and clitoris against it. * Standing up, the corner of an item of furniture, or even a washing machine, can be used to stimulate the genitals. * Some women can orgasm by crossing their legs tightly and clenching the pelvic or leg muscles, which creates pressure and enhances blood flow to the genitals. Techniques, Sexual Response & Multiple Orgasms From the website: 'Women commonly masturbate by rubbing or applying pressure to the clitoris, mons, lips of the vagina, or some combination of these areas. The methods by which they do this varies greatly. Fingers or other devices may be used to rub the shaft of the clitoris in an up-and-down motion on either or both sides, or the shaft may be rubbed in a circular fashion. The vaginal lips may be gently pulled; this movement of the inner lips causes the loose skin covering the clitoris to move back and forth, creating a pleasurable sensation. Because the glans of the clitoris is highly sensitive, prolonged stimulation usually becomes irritating, and thus it is not often used as the focus of masturbation. Relatively few women (some sexologists estimate about 20%) insert anything into their vaginas while masturbating. Those who do usually insert just barely into the opening. However, some women completely insert fingers, dildos, vibrators, and other objects, such as bananas and cucumbers, during masturbation. All these methods may involve the use of various kinds of lubricants, and many women stimulate their breasts while stimulating their genitals. Some women use washcloths, clothing, pillows, furs, silks, or other such devices to aid their stimulation. Most women prefer lying on their backs, but some prefer standing or sitting. While standing or sitting, a woman may rub against certain objects, such as doorknobs, dresser drawer pulls, the edge of chairs, or bedposts. The woman may cross her legs and increase the pressure on her genitals by contracting her lower abdominal, gluteal, and thigh muscles. Water massages may be used. Some women derive sexual stimulation while riding a bicycle or a horse, activities that were at one time forbidden to women for that very reason. Female sexual response to masturbation is about the same as for males. Some women have reported orgasm 30 seconds from the start of self-stimulation, while the usual time is a little less than four minutes. Because of a woman's ability to have multiple orgasms, she may maintain her threshold of orgasm far longer than a man. ... When mutual masturbation is employed during intercourse, it may greatly enhance sexual response; some women report that they receive more intense pleasure from masturbation either by themselves or by their partner than they do from coitus, especially if their partner is a male who has only slight potency. This is because the clitoris receives little direct stimulation during pelvic thrusting in the missionary position.'



Below you will find summaries of articles & websites on Sexual Fetish & Fantasy, i.e. on creativity, the mind & sex, fantasy vs realism, sexual morality, evolution and human sexuality, bestiality, incest, rape, violence, bukkake, bdsm, bondage, spanking, school girl, cheerleader, secretary, milf, smoking, panties, high heels & foot fetish, cartoon pornography, latex, rubber & leather fetish clothing etc.
Obviously 'fetish' gets relatively few searches per day compared to specific fetishes e.g. 'milf' 150,000, 'hentai' 90,000, 'beastiality' 45,000, 'lingerie' 30,000, 'bondage' 20,000, 'bukkake' 15,000.

The top ten related searches for fetish are;
fetish (8,000), foot fetish (5,500), smoking fetish (2,000), medical fetish (1,600), fetish sex (1,150), fetishes (1,000), feet fetish (900), high heel fetish (900), diaper fetish (860), panty fetish (800)

We hope you find the following articles & websites interesting, useful and fun.
Karene Jade Howie

Definition of Sexual Fetish
First described by Sigmund Freud in 1887, sexual fetishism is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object. 

A fetish is an object, not a body part. According to psychology or psychiatric terminology there is no such thing as a 'foot fetish'. That is called a partialism. This is when a part of the body is an extremely important part to achieve sexual arousal. A shoe though, could be a fetish.

A fetish is when a person is sexually aroused by a specific object or objects and is generally unable to achieve sexual satisfaction without that object being present.

What makes a fetish 'fetishism' by definition is that it interferes with your life. It's not just something you like to do, but something you have to do. In other words, there is no other way to have an orgasm except with a shoe, bra or panties present, or whatever that person is into.


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